What I Wished I Had Said…

My cousin Pearl & I

It was during our weekly conversation when out of the blue she said to me, “I’ve told Jesus whatever His will is just let it be.”

I knew exactly what she meant but I didn’t want to hear it, not at that time.  So my reply to her was, “We know where we’re going when we leave this earth.  We’ll be going home to be with Jesus. There’s no reason to be afraid but you don’t have to be in a hurry to say your goodbyes. 

We talked, we laughed, I prayed and told her, “I love you and I’d call again soon.”  Neither of us knew that would be our final conversation.

I wish I had taken that moment to say:

 I believe with all my heart I’m going to see you again on this earth but, if I don’t I want you to know my friend, you’ve had an impact on my life. You’ve left an impression on my heart that will never be erased.

You have given generously, loved unselfishly and defended all. You smiled through your pain while offering others comfort and support.  You lived out your faith, trusting always in God. 

You believed however he answered His way was best and you lived surrendered to his perfect will.

But I didn’t say this because wouldn’t saying it mean I had no faith? Who says goodbye when believing for a miracle?

I hate goodbyes.  If I can I avoid it, the awkwardness, the sadness, the finality of goodbye. However, whether we are in perfect health or dealing with a life threatening illness, we don’t know how far we are away from our final goodbyes with our loved ones.  Hence we should make each moment count, say the things that need saying so there are no regrets.

When I tried to explain my sometimes mixed up words to my cousin she’d always say, “You don’t have to explain, I know your heart.” So today I take comfort in knowing, although in that moment I didn’t say the words I wish I had said, she knew how I felt about her.

…Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalms 30:5 

I also rejoice in the fact that because we shared the same faith in our risen savior I’m going to see her again.

 ²⁰ But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:20-21(NIV)

Are there any words that you want to say to someone you love? I encourage you to say it…

Heavenly Father, I pray for those today who are dealing with grief.  Wrap your loving arms around them.  Let them feel your presence and your peace.  Give them the strength to make it through this difficult time.

I write this post in memory of my cousin and friend Nurse Pearl Carey. Beloved child of God.

I also shared this post at Laced With Grace.

Trusting Him,
~Bernadine~

You Are Precious to God

I love reading the books of the Old Testament.  Somehow the old prophets’ stories always have something to inspire me.  A verse from Isaiah that I had written down in my journal led me to chapter 43 recently. A phrase in verse 4 jumped out at me.

Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. Isaiah 43:4

You are precious to me…

(insert your name) is precious to God!

I'm at Laced With Grace today. I'd love for you to stop by and read the rest of my post, You are Precious to God




Trusting Him,
 ~Bernadine~

Today is Your Day!

Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house,… Luke 19:9

The above verse in the story of Zacchaeus popped into my mind recently so I pulled out my Bible and looked it up. I read and reread the verses that told the story of Zacchaeus in Luke 19:1-10.

Zacchaeus like many others had heard about Jesus and he wanted to see him. The crowd was huge and Zacchaeus was short. However he was determined that he was going to see Jesus. He climbed a tree so he could be in position to get a glimpse of the man he had heard so much about. His efforts were rewarded and as Jesus passed by he called Zacchaeus by name and invited himself to his house for dinner.
I'm at Laced With Grace today. I'd love for you to stop by and read the rest of my post , Today is Your Day!

Trusting Him,
 ~Bernadine~

She Chose Joy

She lived a few houses down from me. She was often outside working in her yard or sitting on her front porch reading. We’d wave when I drove by and sometimes I’d pull over and chat with her for a few minutes. One thing I noticed in the years that we shared the same neighborhood was that she was always smiling...

I'm at Laced With Grace today. I'd love for you to stop by and read the rest of my post, She Chose Joy.

Trusting Him,
 ~Bernadine~

A Wedding Day Poem for My Mom in Heaven

It was thirteen days before my wedding.  I woke up that morning and I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  I went through most of the day in a bit of a funk and I had no idea why.  I was quite happy the day before so where had this sudden sadness come from? It wasn’t until later that day when for no reason at all tears began to flow and the words, I miss you, Mommy came out of my mouth.

It was bittersweet planning my wedding without her by my side.  I knew how excited she would have been and the thought of her not being there on my special day hurt more deeply than I could ever explain. I admit I cried it out that day, and wrote her a little poem in anticipation of my wedding day.

Dear Mommy,

Today is my wedding day, the day you always wanted to see

Your presence would have meant the world to me.

You would hug me close, with tears streaming down your face

You’d say through your tears, “My baby’s getting married today!”

You’d gather us all together for a time of prayer,

Your powerful words of blessings would bring us all to tears.

Throughout the ceremony your smile would brightly shine,

While memories of my childhood flowed through your mind.

I miss you, Mommy you were my very best friend,

I’m ever so blessed that your presence once graced my life.

Today, I’m sure a tear or two will flow, but I promise you,

There will be much laughter and dancing as we celebrate this joyous day.

I love you Mommy! Thank you for all that you’ve done

For always being my number one fan.

I hope that our heavenly father will let you peek down from above,

To get a glimpse of your baby girl and the man that she loves.

Forever your baby,

Bernadine

 P.S Some tears did flow but they weren't by me.  I think I got it out of my system before the wedding:)

Happy Heavenly Mother's Day, Mommy!

Let's All Be Brave Book Review

In Let’s All Be Brave, Annie’s first book for adults, Annie calls you to grab hold of the brave life you desperately desire. Using honest and often humorous illustrations from her own life, contemporary real-life examples, and fascinating biblical stories, she challenges you to step into those places that require courage and gives you the help you need to take the next step forward . . . even when it’s scary.

Review

To see yourself the way God sees you is the first step in being brave.

When God tells you to be brave, he will make it work. It won’t be perfect.

 It won’t be easy but it will be your story and your best story. 

Annie Downs

I thought I know what bravery looked like which is why I’ve never described myself as brave, not once.  I’ve always tried to be brave, wished I was brave but never felt particularly brave.  Hence when Annie Downs announced her book, Let’s All be Brave.  I knew I wanted to read it just to see what bravery looked like in someone else’s life.

I found pieces of my story in Annie’s stories of bravery.  There was a particular chapter that I felt was written almost verbatim from my own life.  It brought me to tears.  I took my time reading and stopped often to reflect on Annie’s transparent words.  It made me realize that bravery isn’t series of things that you do or even a huge or dangerous act.  We can all be brave even as we make simple everyday decisions. Bravery can look like simply making a concerted effort to do the hard things even when it doesn’t seem to make sense to do so.

My takeaway from Annie’s book is… we all have our moments of insecurities and seemingly insurmountable mountains to overcome but if we just take it one moment at a time, one act at a time, one day at a time… we can all be brave.

Trusting Him,
 ~Bernadine~