Aug 24, 2015

What I Wished I Had Said…

My cousin Pearl & I
It was during our weekly conversation when out of the blue she said to me, “I’ve told Jesus whatever His will is just let it be.”

I knew exactly what she meant but I didn’t want to hear it, not at that time.  So my reply to her was, “We know where we’re going when we leave this earth.  We’ll be going home to be with Jesus. There’s no reason to be afraid but you don’t have to be in a hurry to say your goodbyes. 

We talked, we laughed, I prayed and told her, “I love you and I’d call again soon.”  Neither of us knew that would be our final conversation.

I wish I had taken that moment to say:
 I believe with all my heart I’m going to see you again on this earth but, if I don’t I want you to know my friend, you’ve had an impact on my life. You’ve left an impression on my heart that will never be erased.

You have given generously, loved unselfishly and defended all. You smiled through your pain while offering others comfort and support.  You lived out your faith, trusting always in God. 

You believed however he answered His way was best and you lived surrendered to his perfect will.

But I didn’t say this because wouldn’t saying it mean I had no faith? Who says goodbye when believing for a miracle?

I hate goodbyes.  If I can I avoid it, the awkwardness, the sadness, the finality of goodbye. However, whether we are in perfect health or dealing with a life threatening illness, we don’t know how far we are away from our final goodbyes with our loved ones.  Hence we should make each moment count, say the things that need saying so there are no regrets.

When I tried to explain my sometimes mixed up words to my cousin she’d always say, “You don’t have to explain, I know your heart.” So today I take comfort in knowing, although in that moment I didn’t say the words I wish I had said, she knew how I felt about her.

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalms 30:5 

I also rejoice in the fact that because we shared the same faith in our risen savior I’m going to see her again.

 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:20-21(NIV)

Are there any words that you want to say to someone you love? I encourage you to say it…

Heavenly Father, I pray for those today who are dealing with grief.  Wrap your loving arms around them.  Let them feel your presence and your peace.  Give them the strength to make it through this difficult time.

I write this post in memory of my cousin and friend Nurse Pearl Carey. Beloved child of God.

I also shared this post at Laced With Grace.

Trusting Him,


  1. A great message, Bernadine. For our own sake, we need to say it. We're still on earth with all the memories, while our loved ones are secure in their resting place. I will pay close attention to this and heed your advice.

  2. This is beautiful Bernadine. I believe your precious Mother knew all that you didn't get to say. She knew the most important and that is that you both loved and adored each other. She knew that she was leaving you in the capable hands of the Lord to watch over you on earth while you released her hand to His hand to be with Him in eternity. Thank you for sharing your heart so tenderly with us about your precious Mother. You are making her proud!! Much love.

  3. Thank you for stopping by and for your sweet words of encouragements Pastor Lisa. I wrote this about my beautiful cousin Pearl who is in the photo with me. I said my final goodbyes to her just a few weeks ago. I'm sure she's visited my Mom already though:)

  4. Bernadine, how powerful and precious. I believe that you sweet cousin and friend knew that you said what you wanted to say...not with words but with your great spirit of love and friendship. With your tears and laughter and sharing. You are a blessing and you did bless her and those who are fortunate enough to see this post! Be blessed dear Bernadine and know that you are a blessing for sure!

    1. Susan, thank you so much for stopping by and for your sweet comment. Your encouraging words are always a blessing to me.

  5. Dear Bernadine! This is such a sweet post! I am so sorry for your loss and to know that your heart was so grieved over not saying those things. One day, on the streets of glory, you will see her again, and Lord willing, you will have eternity to catch up. What a day that will be! I was SO encouraged by your sweet comment tonight on my blog...I just needed that encouragement so much! God bless you abundantly and comfort you, too. :)

    1. Thank you for stopping by, Cheryl. I'm happy that my comment encouraged you. I'm always blessed when I visit your blog. Thank you for your sweet comment about my cousin. I'm so thankful that one day, because of Christ, I'll see her again.


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