AFRAID...

Dear God,

Sometimes I feel AFRAID, in big bold capital letters.

What am I afraid of?

I’m afraid healing will remain elusive when I need it.

I’m afraid your word won’t be manifested in my life.

I’m afraid that you may come in a moment when I’m 

feeling less than strong…

Like Martha the sister of Lazarus sometimes I’m troubled 

about many things.

I know I should not allow these thoughts to have free reign 

but, sometimes being strong is more than I’m capable of. 

 However I will continue to trust in you.

I know that your promises are sure.

I know that I don’t have to be strong on my own because you

 are more than capable of holding me up in your strong right arm.

I’m thankful God that when I run to you with my cares you never 

grow tired of reminding me that I don’t have to carry my burdens any more.  

You never fail to remind me to cast my cares, my fears everything on you because you love me more than I’ll ever know.

So Lord, when I am afraid, (as I'm prone to get sometimes) I will trust in you.  In you God, whose word I praise.  In you God, I trust.  I will not be afraid.  (Psalm 56:3-4 paraphrased)

I love you Lord!

Forever your daughter,

Bernadine

Thank You Lord, For Always Being There

Dear God,

It seems almost unbelievable that this is the last day in the year 2012.  It’s amazing that time can move so slowly and so quickly at the same time.

There were moments from the very first month in this year when it seemed like situations were going to get the best of me.  There were times when I felt that if I heard one more piece of bad news or experience one more disappointment I would totally lose it.

I remember a moment this year when I felt as if all of my hopes and dreams had come crashing down around me and in that moment God I questioned you.  I wondered where you were in those times when the pain went so deep that I couldn’t even share it.

But God, there were also moments this year where I experienced triumphs, moments where I felt hope ignite within my heart, moments where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were with me.

I look back over this year and I see that you were there with me every step of my journey. There is not one day that I needed you and you did not show up.

So Father on this last day in 2012 I just wanted to say thank you!  Thank you for always being there for me, for loving me and working on my behalf even in those moments when I doubted that you would.  

 

This year it has been reinforced to me that

-you love me!

-I can always trust you.

-you’ll never fail me.

-I can depend on you.

Father, I look forward to 2013 with joy and anticipation, because I know that just as you were with me every step of the way during this year so will you be in 2013.

I love you Lord!

Your daughter,

Bernadine

Just for Me

Dear God,

For some reason today, I found myself humming the song, “Just for Me.”  I stopped and meditated on the lyrics for just a moment.

Just for me, just for me

Jesus came and did it just for me…

It was a timely reminder of all you have done for me.  I stand, as always, in awe of you.  When I think of the most special thing anyone has ever done for me it doesn’t even come close to measuring up.  What do you say to someone who has given his all for you? Somehow thank you just isn’t enough, but I’ll say it anyway.  Lord, I thank you for sending your son, just for me.

Love,

Your daughter

Bernadine.

Almost

Almost

I almost gave up Lord

I almost let you go

For I couldn’t hear your voice

When I felt I needed you most

I had devised my plan

And how to follow through

I was going to pack it in

I’d decided I was through

But with one simple act

You’ve shown yourself to me

To let me know that

You had never forsaken me

I realize now Father

You were speaking all along

But I was too angry, bitter and hurt

To pay attention to your voice

For I knew if I had listened

You’d have said to let it go

For bitterness has no place

Within a Christian’s soul

You’d have told me, I’m sure,

That I was fighting without cause

For the battle is not mine

Jesus had already won it at the cross

But Lord I’m listening now

With a contrite and broken heart

Secured in the knowledge that

you’ll never give up

on this wayward child of yours

(2001)

Backstory

photo credit:  fotosearch.com

Have you experienced times in your Christian walk where it seems if you were the very last item on God’s agenda and he had barely started His list?  (Please let me know I’m not the only one). 

I was quite a few years into my walk with God when I was hurt to the point that I felt broken, bruised and quite forsaken by God.  So in my humanistic way of thinking I thought well if God doesn’t care why should I…?  Thankfully He didn’t give up on me and out of that experience I wrote the above poem.  I'm so glad that almost, doesn't count..

Trusting Him, 
~Bernadine~

Thanks for the Memories

photo credit: Photobucket

Dear God,

Every single day of my life you give me a reason to give thanks.  Sometimes it’s easy to thank you when it’s something tangible or visible to the eye. 

Likewise Lord, it’s easy to become ungrateful when I can’t touch or see the things you do for me on a daily basis.  However, Father I’m learning more and more every day that there is just so much more to you than what my eyes can see and what my hands can touch.

Today Father, as I sat memories ran through my mind of family, friends, love, laughter and happy times.  The memories brought a smile to my face and the thought to my mind that memories are a precious blessing, something for which I should thank my father up above.

So today Lord I want to say, thank you for the memories. 

Thank you for memories from childhood that still bring a nostalgic smile to my face.

Thank you for memories of family who inspire me to always give you praise.

Thank you for memories of friends who encourage me along the way
.

Thank you Lord for the memories of those who have gone on and those present still.  I consider them all to be blessings in my life.

Lord again I say, thank you for memories.

Love,

Your daughter,

~Bernadine~

Happy Birthday Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Happy birthday to you!  I am so glad you came, that you left the splendors of heaven so I could have the choice of eternity with you.

I love you Jesus, today and everyday.

Forever I'll trust you,
 ~Bernadine~


To all my online friends Merry Christmas!  I pray that your day is filled with His joy.

Trusting... in spite of

“Perhaps you don’t have enough faith…

Maybe you just didn’t fast and pray enough for your loved one to be healed…

Maybe you’re just not Christian enough…

Father,

I’ve heard them all before. I’ve thought them all maybe I’ve even said them. I’ve wondered, how is it that one can love you wholeheartedly, serve you faithfully and yet sometimes feel so disappointed in situations, in life, and sometimes Lord (though I hesitate to admit it) in you.

You are who I trust most but understand least.

It is you I love with my whole heart yet oftentimes question.

You are the one sure thing in my life yet some days I feel so uncertain.

Today more than anything I’m still wondering why. Five years later, I still don’t understand. I know there are some things I’ll never understand here on Earth. Like John the Baptist who wondered, “are you the Christ or should I look for another,” but received no definite answer, I’ll probably always wonder, “why after unceasing prayers, consistent fasting, and unwavering faith was I left with a gigantic hole in my heart and more questions than answers…

But today father I surrender all to you

in spite of the questions…

in spite of the uncertainties…

I still love you…

I still trust you….

I still choose you…

Love,

Your daughter,
Bernadine

I miss you Mommy.

I hope when I’m old and full of years

 like Job, and God calls me home

you’ll be standing next to Jesus,

with arms wide open

and with your trademark smile

 waiting to welcome me. 

I promise, you'll be the second  person

I wrap my arms around.

Because You First Loved Me…

Dear God,

I was thinking about you today, about our relationship and when you became such an important, vital part of me.   I cannot exist without you because you’ve completely become a part of my DNA.  There is no me without you.  There is no joy without you.  There is no reason to live without you.

When did it become so..?  I remember when I was a little girl my mom always talked about you, a whole lot.  She always had a glow on her face when she did.  I remember her kneeling down and praying, I remember her praying with me and for me, but most of all I remember her talking to you while she went about her daily routine, while she cooked, cleaned, did the laundry… It was so obvious that she loved you, she never ran out of things to say to you.

As a little girl, watching her, I fell in love with the idea of loving someone so completely that I couldn’t go for long periods without talking to Him and I did talk to you often but I still couldn’t understand why Mommy loved you so.

But Father, that day when I was in that Christian Student Movement meeting at my high school it all became real.  I felt your love. I was enveloped by it and it activated my love for you.  I knew then what the scripture, We love him because he first loved us, (1 John 4:14) meant.

At that moment father, your love wasn’t just an idea, it was real, and I stood with tears draining down my face at the wonder of it all… that you loved me.  To this day I’m still blown away by you.  I totally understand why my mommy loved you so because I love you the same, with my whole heart.

Love ,

Your daughter,

Bernadine

A Letter of Thanks

Dear God,

 

I thank you that when I’m in despair

You are always near

You hold me close to you and dry my tears

You remind me that some days will be like this

You don’t tell me that I should not cry,

Because you understand the reasons why


My tears flow only to cleanse my soul,
To wash away bitterness and leave it aglow


My tears don’t tell you that I trust you not,
They tell you I trust you to dry them up.


Through my tears I talk to you still
I tell you my heart and why I feel so hurt

And when I’m finished talking to you

My tears are gone like yesterday’s news.

Because you don’t scold me, but you listen to me

Then you dry my tears and hug me to you.

You place your joy within my heart, a dance in my steps,

A smile on my face and a song on my lips

And lord for this I thank you.

Trusting Him,

~Bernadine~

Images courtesy of fotosearch