Transparency in Writing

I love to write. Writing has always been my way of focusing my thoughts, sharing what’s in my heart and working through whatever I’m dealing with.  I often find it quite therapeutic to write my thoughts down.  I write often, my writings take the form of journal entries, letters to God, poems, or just scribbles on pieces of paper expressing my thoughts.

My first draft is often raw and filled with whatever emotions I feel at that time.  Then I read it over.  Depending on what I wrote, I start feeling a bit vulnerable and I second guess myself, especially if it’s something I plan to share on my blog.

"Do I really want to say that?"

"Maybe I need to take a, b or c out. I’m sure this post will flow fine without it."

You can guess what happens next… I start editing and I continue editing until the feeling of vulnerability is not so strong. Sometimes when I'm finished the heart of what I'm writing is edited out but I feel less timid about allowing the post to go live.

 Why do I do this? Well, I have a confession…

I sometimes care entirely too much about what others, including people I don't even know think.  I allow it to affect what I share in this space and elsewhere.  It's not that there's some deep dark secret that I have, it's simply that my writings are usually from the heart, no filter, no mask and sometimes life behind the mask feels much safer.  However, God doesn't call us to a life of fear.  He calls us to live bold and authentically before Him.  His word tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 that, He has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

I know this verse and I quote it along with many others when I'm faced with different situations. Unfortunately, I still find myself censoring and editing my words because I hate the feeling of vulnerability that sometimes comes with sharing my thoughts. I'm still learning and trying to overcome my fear of appearing vulnerable and become more bold, fearless and transparent in my writing because it's a huge part of who I am.

I’d like to ask you something:

How do you deal with transparency, in your sharing online or in other areas of your life? 

How do you allow yourself to be transparent and not worry so much about what others think?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and maybe we can help each other to become more transparent.

Trusting Him,
~Bernadine~

No Fear: Fear Will Grip You or Grow You Book Review

Have you ever been excited about making changes to your life? You finally decided to start following your dreams when suddenly fear reared its ugly head? In your mind you go through all the different scenarios, the what ifs, the what will people think, the I cant’s...  After a while your excitement drains away and you find yourself stuck in limbo with your dreams remaining something that is always in the distant future.  

If this describes you in anyway, or if you’ve ever given in to fear at any time in your life then Lisa Shaw’s new book, No Fear: Fear Will Grip You or Grow You is exactly what you need. 

When I got my copy of No Fear, the first thing I did was scan the table of contents. Topics such as, Who Told You That You Can't? What are You Hiding Behind? Your Internal and External Dialogue and Permission to Reinvent Yourself, made me look forward to having a quiet moment to delve into the book because at one time or another I've been paralyzed by many of them.

I was not disappointed. I found so much eye opening information between the pages. The workbook style encourages you to really look within yourself and find what you're afraid of and confront it. It makes you want to dust off old forgotten dreams and have another go at them. Lisa Shaw speaks to the very heart of the reader and encourages you to not allow fear to grip you but let it be an opportunity for growth.

This book has truly been a blessing. I plan to go through it again more slowly and prayerfully consider the questions at the end of the chapters.

If you’d like to purchase of copy of No Fear, stop by lisashawcares.com  I promise this book will prove to be a tool of great encouragement and motivation.

Trusting Him,
~Bernadine~

What I Wished I Had Said…

My cousin Pearl & I

It was during our weekly conversation when out of the blue she said to me, “I’ve told Jesus whatever His will is just let it be.”

I knew exactly what she meant but I didn’t want to hear it, not at that time.  So my reply to her was, “We know where we’re going when we leave this earth.  We’ll be going home to be with Jesus. There’s no reason to be afraid but you don’t have to be in a hurry to say your goodbyes. 

We talked, we laughed, I prayed and told her, “I love you and I’d call again soon.”  Neither of us knew that would be our final conversation.

I wish I had taken that moment to say:

 I believe with all my heart I’m going to see you again on this earth but, if I don’t I want you to know my friend, you’ve had an impact on my life. You’ve left an impression on my heart that will never be erased.

You have given generously, loved unselfishly and defended all. You smiled through your pain while offering others comfort and support.  You lived out your faith, trusting always in God. 

You believed however he answered His way was best and you lived surrendered to his perfect will.

But I didn’t say this because wouldn’t saying it mean I had no faith? Who says goodbye when believing for a miracle?

I hate goodbyes.  If I can I avoid it, the awkwardness, the sadness, the finality of goodbye. However, whether we are in perfect health or dealing with a life threatening illness, we don’t know how far we are away from our final goodbyes with our loved ones.  Hence we should make each moment count, say the things that need saying so there are no regrets.

When I tried to explain my sometimes mixed up words to my cousin she’d always say, “You don’t have to explain, I know your heart.” So today I take comfort in knowing, although in that moment I didn’t say the words I wish I had said, she knew how I felt about her.

…Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalms 30:5 

I also rejoice in the fact that because we shared the same faith in our risen savior I’m going to see her again.

 ²⁰ But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:20-21(NIV)

Are there any words that you want to say to someone you love? I encourage you to say it…

Heavenly Father, I pray for those today who are dealing with grief.  Wrap your loving arms around them.  Let them feel your presence and your peace.  Give them the strength to make it through this difficult time.

I write this post in memory of my cousin and friend Nurse Pearl Carey. Beloved child of God.

I also shared this post at Laced With Grace.

Trusting Him,
~Bernadine~