Oct 1, 2011

Trusting... in spite of

Perhaps you don’t have enough faith…
Maybe you just didn’t fast and pray enough for your loved one to be healed…

Maybe you’re just not Christian enough…


I’ve heard them all before. I’ve thought them all maybe I’ve even said them. I’ve wondered, how is it that one can love you wholeheartedly, serve you faithfully and yet sometimes feel so disappointed in situations, in life, and sometimes Lord (though I hesitate to admit it) in you.

You are who I trust most but understand least.

It is you I love with my whole heart yet oftentimes question.

You are the one sure thing in my life yet some days I feel so uncertain.

Today more than anything I’m still wondering why. Five years later, I still don’t understand. I know there are some things I’ll never understand here on Earth. Like John the Baptist who wondered, “are you the Christ or should I look for another,” but received no definite answer, I’ll probably always wonder, “why after unceasing prayers, consistent fasting, and unwavering faith was I left with a gigantic hole in my heart and more questions than answers…

But today father I surrender all to you

in spite of the questions…

in spite of the uncertainties…

I still love you…

I still trust you….

I still choose you…


Your daughter,

I miss you Mommy.
I hope when I’m old and full of years
 like Job, and God calls me home
you’ll be standing next to Jesus,
with arms wide open
and with your trademark smile
 waiting to welcome me. 
I promise, you'll be the second  person
I wrap my arms around.


  1. Hello Bernadine,God sent you my way for a reason! Girl how did you know? But you couldn't know! But God who both sees and knows all,He knew I needed this word this morning.I'm telling you it seems as if everybody around me is getting favor poured all over them.But I'm still driving the same old beat up car,and still wrestling with this weight problem.Thank you Jesus for showing us once again that you know and you care for us!
    Love you much Bernadine and I would love you to join us in google +,have a wonderful day.
    p.s. I will be sharing this!

  2. Precious child of God...He heard your prayer and your wide open, transparent heart. He loves you and knows exactly what you're saying. Boy have I been there a time or two.

    Sending my love to you and my prayers over you. Beautiful photo of your Mommy. I am sure she is beaming down from heaven that radiant smile and waiting to wrap her arms around you yet again!

    Love you!


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